As men, we have a lot of responsibilities thrust upon our shoulders. We are to provide . . . for ourselves, our families, our kingdoms. We are to provide food, shelter, clothing, and healthcare. In addition, we are to be protectors . . . of our wives, our children, our families, and our homes. With a focus on Faith, Family, Fitness, and Focus, we can better manage these responsibilities.
We are expected to be leaders in all areas of our lives, be it work, home, or socially. It is our responsibility to set examples for younger boys to emulate. We are to have a wide-scoping knowledge base, from knowing how to fix things around the house (plumbing 101 and electric 101, e.g.), changing a flat tire, setting up a tent (not always as easy as you might imagine), to knowing how to grill the perfect steak (the only reason my wife married me, I believe). We are expected to become physically fit (as the Boy Scouts say, always be prepared!) and stay that way.
As men of faith, we have the added responsibility of being spiritual leaders, both in our homes and our churches. We are to spend time in prayer and with God. We are to be the head of our households and protect all that we have been blessed with . . . remembering that everything we have is gift from God, and we should constantly serve with all our hearts.
FOR THE RECORD . . .
Please allow me this tangent: I want it on the record that I believe the wife is an equal partner in any marriage. To be the spiritual head of a household does not entitle us men with the ability or the right to instruct our wives what they can and cannot do . . . if I tried that in my marriage then I’m confident that this would be the last time you would hear from me. (I once had a conversation with a guy who said he “allowed” his wife to spend time with other women because it was good for her . . . again, you would have to search for my body if I ever tried that with my wife). We each have our roles in the marriage, and they work in perfect harmony with other, just as God intended.
When looking for a partner, I knew I was not looking for a weak partner, someone who would walk beside me, not behind me. I wanted a Christian woman who would challenge me and love me and in doing so, force me to be the best version of myself. I learned to be careful what you wish for, because God granted me that prayer and much more . . . but I would not trade her for anything. As it says in Ephesians 5: 25 (NLT): “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.” Ok, off the tangent.
This is a lot to juggle. I know. I wrestle with all of this myself. How can I be expected to be the spiritual head of the household when I’m a broken sinner and a mess on my own? Who am I to lead anyone when I fail more often than not leading myself?
But you know what? I’ve learned that I am not alone in my worries. We have been taught to suppress our weaknesses, but I urge you to embrace them. True growth begins with acknowledging our vulnerabilities and recognizing our need for support. And that is where Fraternity of Men comes in, by providing a place for you to be vulnerable, to admit failure, to confess weakness. We are all in need of growth. It is my prayer and hope that this will be a place for men to be able to come and find the discipline we need to spur this growth and learning. Yes, discipline is required.
Discipline is defined as “training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character; self-control”; from the Latin discipulus meaning “student/follower” (where we get the word disciple) and disciplina meaning “learning.” Discipline, then, is a way to gain control (knowledge) through obedience and instruction.
There are four areas of discipline that a man should aim to conquer, where he should constantly be striving to grow and learn: Faith, Family, Fitness, and Focus.
FAITH
The most important, hands down. Faith should be the foundation of every decision, relationship, and action that a man makes. Your relationship with God should be the most important relationship that you have, making it possible to be the man, husband, friend, businessman, colleague, neighbor, and leader that God created and that those around you need and deserve. As your faith grows, so does every relationship and facet of your life.
FAMILY
Nurturing the emotional and spiritual well-being of our loved ones is our sacred duty. We must fulfill this responsibility. As the leaders of our family, we must learn how to lead and to serve them, putting their needs in front of our own. We have a responsibility to provide for the emotional and spiritual needs of those in our care.
FITNESS
It is hard to take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself. Man has always found it necessary to remain physically fit. Whether we were defending ourselves from predators during prehistoric times or hauling stones to build the pyramids, men have always relied on physical strength. Even the Olympics originated to celebrate fitness and athletic achievement.
Fitness goes much further than a Men’s Health body . . . there are also life lessons that can be learned. The focus and dedication required can quickly spill over into other areas of your life. There is also an increase in self-esteem that comes as a result of fitness. You cannot become the best version of yourself without staying physically fit. Let’s be honest, if you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t even be around for those you love and who depend on you. You owe it to them at the very least.
FOCUS
Fraternity of Men is here to assist you in your journey. Everything we do will fall into one or more of these disciplines. Rely on us, lean on us…that is why FOM was created. And let me lean on you. Let’s journey and grow together. Keep one another accountable. Share in the highs and mourn together in the lows. We are no longer alone. We have each other. And the even better news, God has us all. Hard to ask for more than that.
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